I came to experience death for the first time at a young age, back-to-back, First with my younger brother, the my uncle Jack, then a slew of older relatives I didn't know well. As a result of this, part of me desperately wants to believe in a Heaven/Afterlife. The idea of being reunited with loved ones that left before me after my time comes is comforting, and it makes the reality that everyone dies eventually easier to accept. With this being said, I'm also terrified of dying, especially now that I have Ryan. My fear of death is rooted in a few different things.
First of all, it freaks me out that there's no set answer to what will happen to me when my life comes to an end. I mean, I know my physical being is pretty much done for, but I want my soul to live on somehow. I want my memories to live on, and I want other's memories of me to live on as well. I don't just want to disappear into oblivion. I want my belief in an afterlife to be verified, and I want to be reunited with loved ones.
I'm also afraid of death because there's no guarantee that I can maintain the connections I make to those that I leave behind. As long as everything goes as planned in life, it's pretty much guaranteed that I'm going to die before my daughter, and as morbid as that sounds, the idea of an afterlife is the only thing that helps me cope with that reality. Knowing that even though she'll still have some life to live when I go, that we'll eventually be together again, makes it easier for me to accept. When I die, I think that I'll be able to watch over her, make sure she's safe, and happy, and make sure she knows that I'll always be there with her. I definitely believe that your soul doesn't fully pass over until its completely ready, so if I still have some parenting to do you can bet that it'll be a while before I leave this earth. When I die, I picture someone waiting for me. In most cases, its Christopher and the numerous dogs that I grew up with. They take my hand, let me know that everything's okay, and they help my soul transition into the next realm.
While my body will die someday, my soul will go on.
I really liked this blog post because you put in a lot of personal elements, and it really illustrates how scary the thought of death can be. I think you were able to word your fears a lot better than me, as the fear of death is hard to describe. One idea that we have in common that once we die we will no longer be able to interact and communicate with our loved ones. Also, I think its interesting that you added the fact that the idea of death changes due to the fact that you are now a mother. I think over time there are many aspects that change our view on death. Do you think the idea of death becomes less scary or more scary as you age?
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good post Katherine! Like casey said I like how you encorporated your own personal experiences into it.
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